Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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