Someone shit on the floor
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
