State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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