There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
