Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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