Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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