I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
