He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
