Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize