so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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