did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
whose ass print is on the piano?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
