Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
