I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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