brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
