The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
