Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize