one might say we're banned from that church
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
