Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize