p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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