I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
