Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
