Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
