Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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