this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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