How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
