I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
