I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
