I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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