I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
