i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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