im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
