I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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