Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
