you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
