just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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