so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
