and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Operation Purity has been aborted
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
