you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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