So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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