im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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