The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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