Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All the doctor said was why
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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