you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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