D3 body, D1 cock
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
