New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
