I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
