Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
