ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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