I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
