I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
