It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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