Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ruined the universe
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
