Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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