my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize