Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
