they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
