He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i will never coherently bang her
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
