ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
