I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
