Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
even my farts smell like vagina
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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