she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
