I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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