he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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