Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
jump out the window naked night went bad
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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