eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
