he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
