The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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