Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
