I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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