her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
