Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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