She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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