I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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