There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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