my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize