I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize